Of Christmas Past
by FairyNiamh
Summary: Jim tells Bones about a Christmas past.


Bones had scoured the ship looking for his lover. This was their first Christmas Eve as a couple and, in typical Jim fashion, he was nowhere to be found. Jim had woken up, taken his personal phone time, and then just disappeared. Even the damned ship's computer wouldn't tell him where Jim was located. Not that he had been truly surprised by that. He often swore that the Enterprise had a not so secret love for her Captain and his crew.

Just when he decided to give up on his search, he spied Jim sitting alone in the Deck 9 observation lounge as he stared into space seemingly light years away from everything and everyone. He walked up and was ready to scold Jim for not being at the Christmas party, just three decks above him, until he saw Jim's face.

"Hey there," Bones said softly so as not to startle Jim.

"Hey Bones. Why aren't you at the party?"

"I could ask you the same thing," he replied as he sat down next to his blond lover.

Jim hummed as if in agreement, and then turned his attention back to his hands. It was then that Bones noticed a strangely shaped wooden object in Jim's hands.

"What you got there kid?" he asked the quiet man while bumping him with his shoulder.

"This? This is a dinosaur," Jim said while smiling softly at the… wooden dinosaur.

"Don't much resemble a dinosaur. Think you need to work on your replicating skills," he said jokingly.

"I didn't make it; my son did," Jim said frowning disapprovingly at Bones.

"Jim," Bones started smoothly so as to not startle his lover, who may or may not be going through a psychotic episode, "I don't know how to tell you this, but you don't have a son. I've seen your records and nowhere in them do they mention a son."

"Of course they don't mention him. He's adopted," the blond replied while rolling his eyes.

Bones just shook his head and tried to figure out the best time and way to get Jim in for an MRI. "Jim, your records would reflect adoptions as well. Maybe we need to get you down to sick bay," he said slowly as if to a frightened child.

Jim just smiled sadly at his best friend/lover and asked, "Have you never wondered why you don' have all of my medical records?"

"I have all of your records," Bones said thoughtfully.

"No, you don't. There should be a two maybe three year gap in there."

"Not all that uncommon for there to be small gaps in records," Leonard explained away.

Kim chuckled ruefully and replied, "Bones, seeing a doctor as you reach puberty is a requirement. Everything found is put on record. You should know this better than I should. Yet, I have no records of getting the birth control shot. Why would that happen?"

"Allergy to the medication…"

"Would have garnered a flag in my files. I have hundreds of flags; none are for birth control," Jim said flatly.

Bones frowned as he thought of all of the flags on Jim's file and he was telling the truth none was for any form of birth control. "Okay, then do you want to explain to me why you have the gap in your file?"

"You sure you want to know?" Jim asked in a daring tone.

Bones rolled his eyes, "I wouldn't ask if I wasn't sure. No matter what your tale is I am sure I have heard worse."

"I somehow doubt it, but remember; you said you wanted to hear this. This dinosaur is from Kevin Riley. He is with his grandparents right now. However, he is getting ready to enter the academy. He really wants to be posted here when he graduates - I hope his grades are good enough to earn it. I miss seeing him."

"Yeah, not exactly horrible and that doesn't exactly explain the gap kiddo." Bones said shaking his head in exasperation.

"I'm getting there. Now then, Kevin is my son. Well, he adopted me. I saw him in line with his parents and knew I had to get him away from there. I had already lost my aunt and uncle - I couldn't save them. I didn't understand what the lines were for until it was too late for them; damned near too late for me too. However, I could save Kevin. Of course, I didn't know his name was Kevin at the time. "

Bones shook his head. "Jim that still isn't making much sense. What lines? What happened to your Aunt and Uncle?"

Jim eyebrow furrowed as he looked at Bones as if he had grown another head, "The lines on Tarsus Bones. Everyone knows about that place. That's where we were, Little Kevin and the others, on Tarsus."

Bones would have surely fallen flat on his ass from shock if he hadn't been sitting down as he listened to his lover talk so – lightly about that horrid place. There was just no way… "It wasn't in your records."

"Tarsus? No, Starfleet likes to keep that sort of thing hush-hush. You won't find it on Kevin's file either; if he transfers here. Its - it happened, we lived, and we even grew up a little, and learned to care for someone other than ourselves. Now, back to this little dinosaur. See, Kevin was young. He was only four when I took him away from the death line and he didn't understand what was going on. I… I lured him away with candy. I know it was a bad thing and Kevin forgave me – but I couldn't let him die Bones. Anyhow, everyday he asked me for his parents and I told them that they had to go away and that they didn't want to leave him. Because, I just knew that they would have never left him alone if they had a choice and I always told myself that they were glad I saved their son. Well, we had been hiding for a few months and Christmas time was approaching, I was busy trying to steal enough for all of kids to eat… and Thomas wasn't that great with the little kids. So, he found a dull knife and taught Kevin to whittle. I know… you don't give a kid a knife, but we weren't much more than kids ourselves. Well Kevin carved this dinosaur out for his Dad because he always had a gift for his dad and – his dad never missed Christmas. How – how do you tell a kid that young that their mom and dad are dead? That they will never be able to hug them again. I just – I couldn't tell him Bones and I felt so fucking evil for taking him away from them. I'm not evil Bones, I swear I'm not." Jim struggled to keep the tears that were threatening to flow at bay. Now was not the time for tears.

"Jim-" Bones started wanting to reassure his lover and to make the hurt go away. He forced himself to stop when Jim shook his head and took a deep breath.

After a few deep breath Jim continued, "Kevin, he – he wished on the stars and I heard him apologize to Santa for not writing that year, but hopefully he would accept talking and could Santa please bring a rescue ship, some food, and if it's not too much – his parents. He got his wish for a bit more food, but it would be two more weeks for the rescue ships and his parents were never coming back. Christmas, yeah, that is when it really hit most of the kids, including Kevin that their family was gone and they weren't coming back. So, I don't know – somehow Tommy and I became default pseudo parents. Kevin asked that if – if he couldn't have his Daddy back could I be his new daddy. I couldn't say no. I became his dad and I took care of him as I thought his dad would, including telling him stories, holding him when his little stomach cramped from lack of food, and giving him some of my food when I could spare it. When the rescue ships finally came, I stayed with him and coaxed food down him kept him calm and relaxed as the strangers milled around us, trying to get us to talk. When – when his grandparents showed up at the hospital to see him and to take him home… oh, how I hated them Bones. They were taking my son away, and I really did think of him as my son by then, but I knew that I was too young to care for him properly and that no one would ever grant me custody of him. So, when he threw a fit and begged me not to throw him away I gathered him up and told him that I would never throw him away. I loved him and would always be there for him, but his Grandparents would be able to take better care of him and he could comm. or write me and I would do my best to answer a.s.a.p. He didn't believe me. Well – he had lost everyone so I can't say as I blame him. He handed me this little dinosaur and said that it would keep me safe and would remind me of him always. It has, I always think of him when I hold it and to this day, I always get back to him when he writes. He's my son after all."

Bones hoped that the story was over because he couldn't hear anymore. He knew of Tarsus, but never thought he would meet anyone who had gone through that nightmare and for it to be Jim and… fuck, Jim has actual fond memories of that time. He had always known that his lover was strong, but he didn't know he was this strong. Bones knew that if it had been him, he would have broke down and probably never be whole again.

"I'm sure you were a good Dad Jim and I bet Kevin has fond memories of you. Let's… well why don't we go back to our cabin and spend the rest of the day sipping eggnog and – and I don't know," Bones floundered trying to figure a way out of the uncomfortable situation.

"Yeah, I still need to give you your present Mr. Grumpy pants. Thank you Bones, talking to you helped." Jim smiled crookedly and clapped Bones shoulder as he made his way toward the door.

"No problem kid. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too."

~Fin~


End file.
